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And your Champion…
You’re 2010/2011 NBA Champion is…
OKC Thunder. They suck the least, and it will show.
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Playoff Predictions: East
The East is odd. They have more Championship quality teams than the West, but there are only three and a half good teams in the East. Going into this post I have no idea who I think will come out of the East. Lets find out together.
Round One:
Chicago vs. Indiana
Chicago’s Level of Suck: 4
Why Chicago Sucks: Chicago sucks because their SG is a timeshare between Keith Bogans and Ronnie Brewer. That’s the short answer. They suck because they are the only team in the NBA who has played hard for 82 games. We know how good they are, and they can’t get any better. The long answer is this: I am fairly certain that I’m alone on this, but Derrick Rose can not be the best player on a championship team. When was the last time a point guard was the best player or leading scorer of a title team? Detroit with Isiah? Detroit with Chauncey? The Lakers with Magic (I think he had one or two excellent players on that team…)? Tony Parker has a finals MVP, but Tim Duncan was the best player on that team. It just doesn’t work. This Chicago team is basically Allen Iverson’s 76ers team he took to the finals. Only Derrick Rose is no Allen Iverson.
Indiana’s Level of Suck: 8
Why Indiana Sucks: This isn’t a good team. Danny Granger is their best player. Their second best player is either Roy Hibbert, Darren Collison, or Tyler Hansbrough. Those guys would all be great back-ups. Unfortunately, those are their starters.
Series Prediction: Chicago in 5.
Miami vs Philadelphia
Miami’s Level of Suck: 4
Why Miami Sucks: The championship welcome party, the “FAN UP” campaign, the fact that although Chris Bosh looks like a raptor, he now plays for the Heat. Miami sucks because they have 2 top 5 NBA players, but one of them (Wade) is just a worse version of the other (LeBron). They suck because their fourth best player (Miller) is a shooter who can’t shoot. Mike Bibby and Mario Chalmers play the point guard position, and Big Z and Joel Anthony are the big contributors at the 1 and 5 spot. That’s not a good sign. Miami does have the best player in the game, and that counts for something I guess.
Philadelphia’s Level of Suck: 8
Why Philadelphia Sucks: Philadelphia sucks because they aren’t good. Jodie Meeks gets good minutes for them. He has one NBA skill, and doesn’t care to do much else. There is your answer.
Series Prediction: Miami in 4.
Boston vs New York
Boston’s Level of Suck: 3
Why Boston Sucks: Boston sucks because they bet on Shaq and Jermaine O’Neal. When was the last time J.O. was acceptable? Do you remember that he actually played for Toronto? Isn’t that weird? Boston sucks because they are all grown men who are really bummed out that one of their own was traded….months ago.
New York’s Level of Suck: 6
Why New York Sucks: The Knicks had to make the Melo trade. They are definitely more fun to watch, but they aren’t any better than before. They are a fun team to watch, but eventually teams have to make stops, the Knicks don’t make stops. They also only have 5 NBA players on their roster.
Series Prediction: Boston in 6
Orlando vs Atlanta
Orlando’s Level of Suck: 5
Why Orlando Sucks: They are a three point shooting team that can’t make three pointers. They have two legit big men. Dwight Howard could be the best player in the NBA if decided to care and more urgently, decided to stop whining and start taking control of the game. Their is only one dominant big man in the NBA, but he is too bummed out about not getting foul calls, that would send him to the line and hopefully make 1 of 2 free throws.
Atlanta’s Level of Suck: 6
Why Atlanta Sucks: This was supposed to be the up and coming team of the East. About three years ago. Then last year they put on the worst second round playoff performance of all time. This team is not good. They suck because their best player is Josh Smith, and Josh Smith should be the third best player on a championship team.
Series Prediction: Orlando in 7.
Round Two:
Chicago vs. Orlando
Chicago Level of Suck: 4
Orlando Level of Suck: 5
Who Wins: Orlando has the best player in the series. However Chicago’s best player actually plays like the best player on the floor. Chicago wins. If Chicago is in the West they don’t make it out of the second round, however that’s a stupid thing to say because Chicago is in the East, so they make it to the Conference Finals. I hate that.
Series Prediction: Chicago in 7
Miami vs Boston
Miami’s Level of Suck: 4
Boston’s Level of Suck: 3
Who Wins: Boston. This series will be great. These teams hate each other. Delonte West will be sleeping over at LeBron’s house. Rondo will go back to his old self, and tear apart the Heat. The Heatles Tour will head home a bit early (who is the fourth Heatle? I hope it’s Eddie House).
Series Prediction: Boston in 7.
Round Three:
Chicago vs. Boston:
Chicago’s Level of Suck: 4
Boston’s Level of Suck: 3
Who Wins: Boston. This is the end for Derrick Rose, and my doppelganger Kyle Korver. The Bulls aren’t that good. I stand by this.
Series Prediction: Boston in 7.
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Playoff Predictions: West
This is the first test of the Levels of Suck. Take the next 10 minute to read this post, and save yourself a month of watching playoffs. We will start in the West because frankly it’s more interesting.
Round One:
San Antonio vs. Memphis
San Antonio’s Level of Suck: 4
Why San Antonio Sucks: They are old, we know this. Tim Duncan, Tony Parker, and Manu Ginobli have won a lot, we know this. People hate to watch the Spurs because you know what you are going to get. The Spurs are Chili’s. You know what you are going to get, it’s definitely not your first choice, but here we are again, ordering Baby Back Ribs because nothing else was better. San Antonio can’t win it all because their 4th best player is an argument between Richard Jefferson and Dejuan Blair. They can get far, but they can’t go all the way.
Memphis’ Level of Suck: 6
Why Memphis’ Sucks: Tony Allen’s beard can only do so much. For some reason it is a trendy pick for Memphis to beat San Antonio. Why? Because Mike Conley is better than Tony Parker? Because Tony Allen is better than Manu? Or because you are a huge Sam Young fan, and he’s clearly better than Richard Jefferson (he isn’t). Memphis plays nice team defense, and had a nice season. I actually enjoyed watching them. However, they are the Grizzlies, their best or their 1B player is out, and they just can’t over come that. To pull off the upset, you need a perimeter player to take over the game, Memphis does not have that.
Series Prediction: San Antonio in 5.
Los Angeles vs. New Orleans
Los Angeles’ Level of Suck: 3
Why Los Angeles’ Sucks: Derek Fisher. One of the worst starters in the NBA. Oh, Fish isn’t playing well, let’s bring in Steve Blake! Not only is that a horrible option, but he has chicken pox, so how about a little Shannon Brown? And of course by the time I post this Andrew Bynum could have to borrow Greg Oden’s knees to finish the playoffs. The Lakers are no where near perfect, but they have a lot less flaws than most teams…but not all…
New Orleans’ Level of Suck: 9
Why New Orleans Sucks: I hate this team. I hated them when David West was playing, and I really don’t care for them now that he is out. Trevor Ariza is maybe their second best active player. Have you watched Ariza? There is a reason he is on his 3rd team in as many years. It looks like it’s his first time playing basketball… every time he plays. I don’t want to write about the Hornets anymore, they are horrible. And I can never forgive Chris Paul for this:
Series Prediction: Los Angeles in 4.
Dallas vs. Portland
Dallas’ Level of Suck: 5
Why Dallas’ Sucks: The Caron Butler injury killed this team. They were a really complete team, then their SF situation happened. Also,JJ Barea’s little arms can carry him. Dirk is fantastic, and is still nearly unguardable. I like Jason Terry’s swag, and the fact that Tyson Chandler has this team playing defense for the first time in a decade. This team is better than people are giving them credit for, but they don’t have enough to take them to the conference finals.
Portland’s Level of Suck: 6
Why Portland Sucks: Why is Portland good? They’ve got a lot of nice players, and Aldridge has made the transition into Really Nice Player. They are tough, and the addition of Gerald Wallace was a steal. Even though they still have the ghost of Brandon Roy floating around, they don’t have the perimeter player to take over a game. They’re good, but they don’t have enough to get past the first round.
Series Prediction: Dallas in 6.
Oklahoma City vs Denver
Oklahoma City’s Level of Suck: 3
Why Oklahoma City Sucks: I like this team. They got rid of their one player who had no real position (Jeff Green) for the kind of player every championship team needs (Kendrick Perkins). This team is complete. They have a great bench, they have a great point guard, the best scorer, and maybe the best post rotation in the league. It’s well documented that this team actually likes each other, and call me old fashioned, but that counts. Westbrook still can’t really shoot, and that sucks. Their SG position isn’t solid, and Durant still isn’t the defender that he could/should be. That being said, this team is good, and this team has what it takes.
Denver’s Level of Suck: 5
Why Denver Sucks: I hate this argument. But it is a valid one. Who is the guy that takes them where they need to go? They have a GREAT group of players. But they don’t have that one player that can make put the team on their shoulders. The flip side of that argument though, is that maybe they have 5 guys that can do that. Denver post Melo trade, is one of my favorite teams to watch. They play a fun brand of basketball. But they still suck. I’d take Denver to win in the first round against any Western Conference teams except the Lakers and the Thunder. Unfortunately, they play the Thunder, and the Thunder suck less than they do.
Series Prediction: Oklahoma City in 6.
Round Two:
San Antonio vs. Oklahoma City
San Antonio’s Level of Suck: 4
Oklahoma City’s Level of Suck: 3
Who Wins: Look at the numbers. Oklahoma City sucks less. They are the more complete team, they have the best player in the series, they are basically the worst case scenario team for San Antonio.
Series Prediction: Oklahoma City in 6.
Los Angeles vs. Dallas
Los Angeles Level of Suck: 3
Dallas’ Level of Suck: 4
Who Wins: The Lakers. Kobe’s teammates are afraid of what Kobe will do to them if they lose. That fear advances them one more round.
Series Prediction: Los Angeles in 6.
Round Three:
Los Angeles vs. Oklahoma City
Los Angeles’ Level of Suck: 3
Oklahoma City’s Level of Suck: 3
Who Wins: Uh oh. 3-3. This would be hard, but listen, Derek Fisher is really, really bad. Ok? By the third round Fisher will have hit at least 2 clutch shots that will make people forget about how bad he is. Westbrook will expose him, and we can only hope this will lead to his retirement.
Series Prediction: Oklahoma City in 7.
So there you have it. Your Western Conference Champion is the Oklahoma City Thunder. Out of everyone on this side of the bracket, they suck the least.
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Introduction
Welcome to Levels of Suck. Levels of Suck is a theory that is constantly proven to be true. Basketball, just like life, isn’t about who is the best, it’s about who makes the fewest mistakes. The best team doesn’t always win, but the team that sucks always loses. We don’t need stats here at Levels of Suck, all research is done with the beloved “eyeball test”.
